just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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