apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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