I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
