My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize