absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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