They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
