If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
