dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
