he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
