so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
