Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You smell like stripper and shame
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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