Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
