your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
