Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
