I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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