I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
