Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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