So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
