I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
