why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
