The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just forgot I was standing up.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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