And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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