Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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