my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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