He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
