You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
