I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
