so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
