if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
