Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
