I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
