Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
