ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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