see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
