she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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