when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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