bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
