i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
