I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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