im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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