I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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