i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
