first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
