I wish I could teleport
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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