sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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