I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize