Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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