Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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