Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
be right there i have to get my cape
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
