Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
