please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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