Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
