Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
