I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
