Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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