Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
