My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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