I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
