So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
