Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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