OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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