Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
