sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
