BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
