how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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