I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
